Her Freedom

So, my Haley turns 18 this Sunday. I have to say that this has been working on my  heart a little bit. The other day, I was trying to decide why I felt so…unsettled. I took some time to think about it, and then it all came to me. Haley turns 18 this weekend. I was just a year older than that when she was born. In May, she will graduate from high school…and not by the skin of her teeth, or with a GED, or from an alternative school, like I had thought would be the case; she will graduate on the honor roll. She will graduate with a bright future. When I look at her Facebook posts, I see a more mature girl, someone who is now looking for the positive, and finding the joy in a difficult world. My daughter, she’s a miracle. I have watched a miracle happen before my eyes.

So, I made this layout. If you’d like to see my more technique descriptive post, visit the Helmar blog today. Otherwise, read on for more sap.

My girl and I were talking about my style. I realized that my style of creating says so much about me. I am complex, multi-layered, grungy, scattered. My girl is a bit the same way, (but her style is pretty different from mine), but this layout shares lots about our relationship. Beautifully colored, multi-dimensional, complex. The layers of paint and ink were a joy to add……..they easily and with little effort, came together. I almost didn’t want to do anything else with them….to just leave them “be.”

The color and fiber, the paint dipped flowers………..they are us. I don’t really have a description…….it’s just us. And the musical staff paper underneath? Well, we sing together. Music has brought us through much. We are both musicians.

There’s nothing “sad” on this page. I’m no longer sad for my daughter, I no longer feel pain when I think of her and her future. I feel a sense of peace, a blessed relief, a pride. I know there were prayers, tears, prostrate weeping……that brought her through. I would not. give. up. Not ever.

I think sometimes it takes a whole lot of soul searching, wandering, and hurt to find the key to your freedom. My girl managed to find it much sooner. I know she’ll have challenges in her adult life, but I am here to say that I know she will be amazing. She’s changed my faith in humanity, and given me the joy of being her mother for nearly twenty years now. I’ve become a better person because of her. She’s given ME freedom too. We both hold complex skeleton keys that were forged with the fire of loss, loneliness, bitterness, hurt, and redemption. I’m so proud to say she’s my daughter. Happy Birthday, Haley Bug. Your mom loves you so…..